If it Is Broke

There are some days in which I come to a realization, have an epiphany or sorts, if you will.  The formula for these days is usually the same.  The day begins uneventfully.  I crawl out of bed as Erin is getting ready for work, I make her lunch, make some coffee, make breakfast, and read the day's news.  But after all that, after the burned, old coffee is poured down the sink, something happens that changes the tone of the day.  Many times, I am moved by something I read on the internet or hear on one of the many NPR programs to which I listen daily.  But sometimes, I am forced, by some adversity, to change my way of thinking or behaving right on the spot.  Just such a forcing happened yesterday afternoon.

I have class at NIU on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2pm.  Given that it takes about 45 minutes to get there from my home, and I usually need to find parking on the street to avoid paying, I leave at around noon.  This day in particular, I had to get a book I had put on hold at the library, one that I need for class and was hoping to have before class met.  I made it to within about 5 miles of the campus when my car, the old beast, started running in a rough, but familiar way.  I had experienced my share of flat tires on various cars in my time, and I knew that that's exactly what I'd see when I pulled over and examined the front passenger's side tire.  I didn't hit anything (that I felt or saw, anyway), and I didn't hear a blowout.  But there my tire was, staring at me like an unenthusiastic child at a birthday party, who just can't bring himself to get excited about the ball pit.  This is a hurdle, yes, but it was one that could be jumped.  However, this happened at about 1:10 pm, which left me 40 minutes to change the tire and find a place to park.  That was, if I decided to forget about the fact that I could not drive the 40 or so miles of country road on a spare.  This tire being on the tall-grass and gravel filled shoulder of a country road also appeared to make placing a jack under my car quite difficult. 

Now, had this happened to me a mere year and a half ago, even while I was living right near campus, I would have thrown in the towel on class and lamented for a while before doing anything productive.  But, almost as if I knew the bigger stakes of this battle, I jumped into a different mode.  I thought to myself: at the very least, I cannot handle this how I would have handled it before.  I have just skated by on the least amount of effort for a large portion of my life.  I am not living like that anymore.  I have the jack, the spare, the tire iron, and I'm not far from campus.  More than anything, I just need to get to class.  If I can show myself that I'm serious about my life's work, especially at this early stage of it, that will kick me into high-gear.  Realizing this, I pried the spare tire, jack, and iron from my trunk, and got to work.  The car was on uneven ground, gravel, sloping downward, and I wasn't even sure that I could get the jack to actually lift the car enough to change the tire without the jack slipping out from under.  Having totally unjustified faith, and some kind of determination, I jacked the car up, unscrewed the rusty bolts on the wheel, and drove 5 sweaty, black grease-handed miles to the repair shop.  I made it to the hall where my class is in just enough time to wash most of the grime off my hands and wipe the sweat off my face in the academic building's bathroom.

I walked into class a little tired and uncomfortable, hoping for the best.  Within 5 minutes, I was fully absorbed in the class, having forgotten pretty much all the struggle it took to deal with that tire.  After class, I went to the library and got the book I had been waiting for.  We didn't even get to the chapter from that book in class, go me.  So what did this prove to me?  Well, just like the most pleasurable of moments, the grueling, arduous moments of a difficult task pass after a short time.  So if I can count on that, and stick to it (whatever it may be), I will feel much better in the end, and get the fuel to keep going.  I'm not going to be so bold as to claim that if I hadn't pushed myself to run further and longer yesterday morning, I wouldn't have had the perseverance to get to class as I did.  I'm just going to say that perhaps in learning to push myself and stay focused something simple, I am also learning to push myself and stay focused in the bigger things.  Today is an off day.  I plan to get a little work done, and make some homemade chocolate chip cookies as well, prepared for any culinary flat tires that may come up along the way.